God Loves My Kids More Than I Do

As I have entered the world of the "Empty Nest" I have HAD to let go of my children...  It is the hardest thing I have had to do as a parent.  Harder than car pooling two kids to various activities while my husband was deployed to Saudi Arabia and we lived thousands of miles away from family.  Harder than when my babies were sick and I was running on one hour of sleep in two or three days.  Harder than learning to deal with my ADHD son and trying to explain to teachers how to best deal with him but NOT letting him use his diagnosis as a crutch.  Harder than dealing with my daughter's daily seizures as her teenage hormones and the anti seizure medications were playing havoc on her brain (and my sanity.)  During all those hard times I still had control, or so I thought. I did not have control over my husband being sent to a far away country, I did not have control over the sicknesses they got, I did not have control over the abundance of energy and lack of focus my son had, and I did not have control over the seizures my daughter had. However, I definitely had control over the choices that had to be made and the physical aspects of my children's lives. (Where they were at, what they would do, and what they would wear, etc.)

Yes even as teenagers I had control!  Some say they have no control over their teenagers but that is NOT true!  They have made the choice NOT to control their teenagers.  I must say I sometimes chose to allow my teenagers to do things or make some choices that others felt I should have controlled.  (hair, clothes, friends, bed times, etc.)  In some cases my children learned great lessons on making those choices and in others, looking back, I should have controlled.  When my kids were teenagers they would be grounded and I very much controlled that.  When it started, when it ended, what they were grounded from and so on.  I did not give in and luckily my husband was on the same page and we held our ground.  I have spoken to some parents whose children physically attack their parents and run away.  In those situations there are still ways to control their children but those are hard choices to make and I have not been in those situations so I cannot speak to that.  I learned a long time ago not to say, "I would have..."  I know there are choices I could have made to control them and I hope I would have done so but, I made it through those years without having to make those hard choices.  However, I did have some to make that were EXTREMELY hard to make. (I will discuss those in another post...maybe)

Now I am dealing with the HARDEST part of parenting... being the parent of grown children!  My oldest son was raised primarily by his father so, sadly, my absence has been the biggest affect on him as a child and now as an adult.  My two younger children were raised by their father (my husband) and myself.  My son, Jimmy, lives in an apartment nearby and works at Toyota.   Jimmy is 22 and has done many things that I wish he wouldn't.  (Tattoos, drinking, etc.)  At this point, I have had a few years to adjust to Jimmy being an adult.  I still get very frustrated with many of his choices but by the grace of God none of them have been life threatening.  He struggles in various areas and that is hard to watch.  I just try to guide him toward Christ whenever the opportunity arises.  But, he is an adult at this point and I can't MAKE him go to church or live like Christ.  God gave him free will just like everyone else.  (This is one of those subjects I will ask about once I enter Heaven!)

My daughter, Bri, is a freshman at Ball State University. She is 19, still a teenager, but making the transition to adulthood.  She went through a challenging year when she was a sophomore.  We got through it with LOTS of prayer, tough love, and therapy.  God knew what He was doing though, as usual.  She learned so much from that time and it helped to prepare her for the independence she has experienced at college.  It is much harder to let her make decisions that I don't like because up until a year or so ago I had CONTROL!  (or did I?)

As I pray for my children and ask God to guide them and protect them, I am reminded that they belong to Him.  I have been blessed to have them in my life so that I can teach them about Him and the gift of salvation that exists only in the Son that He gave as a sacrifice.  (BAM!  That's an A-ha moment!)  He gave His Son as a sacrifice so that my children can have eternal life!!!  That is how much he loves them!  I can't imagine giving one of my children's lives up for one of the other's.  And if you think about it...  He gave his "perfect" Son as a sacrifice for all His imperfect children!  Mind boggling...

This is what helps me to let go of my urge to control my grown children.  They have accepted Christ and even though they may stray, as I did at various times, they belong to Him and the Holy Spirit will NOT let them rest if they are headed in the wrong direction.  He is ALWAYS with them!  He has plans for them and I need to get out of the way so I don't mess them up!

Don't get me wrong...  when they ask for my opinion or I see a teachable moment I jump on it!  But...  it is now time for them to make their own choices.  I have often watched other parents and thought, "Wow!  They did a great job with their kids!  I wish I could go back and do a better job.  I would change sooooo much!"  Recently some ladies have shared with me that they wish they could be more like me as a mom and that is so bizarre to me!  Why would anyone want to be like me as mom?  Maybe this is God's way of reassuring me that I haven't ruined my kids and that He is now taking over full time.  I will always be their mom but as they become adults we are brothers and sisters in Christ and can support, encourage, and hold each other accountable to OUR Father in Heaven.

Angie